Scene, a regular hiveblock. Dramatis Personae, GA and BA. Musical accompaniment:
And yes. There's multiple songs in a queue. We're going fancymode.
You- Dude, we're not doing the second person shit here as well. The public demands a recap, and we shall provide.
A nondescript person, of presumably male sex walks into a GREEN room. In there, another one is resting on a recuperabed, browsing his phone like a loser.
BA: Hey. Got the shit all figured out. BA: Run a recap real quick for me. GA: Shit, big slime, I see that big external drive in your hands. GA: Whatchu got in it, first? BA: The shit in question, just plug it in and take a look at the documents later, now clue me in on what's been happening I haven't had a chance to really keep up. GA: Right. Who do you wanna hear about first? GA: Just as a heads-up, the troll and the animebrain's stories tie up together. GA: Fucking faggots. BA: Tell me whats up with CT, last I saw he was fucking around with that fucking hat.
The figure resting on the bed, now known as GA, gets up and goes to his RICH MAHOGANY DESK. He boots up his huskputer and pulls up a, as of yet, unexplained program. A few key presses later and the screen shows our five intrepid protagonists.
GA: He's been uh... GA: Wait, no, you're way too far ahead. GA: We gotta do it from the start man, come on. BA: Fine, fucking ugh
The other figure in the room now identified as BA moves to sit down in the recliner at the corner of the room before pulling out his SMARTPHONE and gesturing to GA to continue.
GA: Right. So he's been uh... GA: Shit, let me start at the start. GA: Dude got in the game, with a method I'm not describing because it was stupid, go read it yourselves (p.203). GA: And he fucking alchemized his sprite with something that ironically resulted in a gay pornstar. BA: Right Gachi GA: Right, exactly, he's got Aniki, Rest in Peace. BA: Rest in Peace GA: He started alchemizing shit, and walked downstairs to find his dad blowing out the brains of an imp with his shotgun. GA: Used that grist to alchemize some more. BA: Yeah after that I started to message him, back when we thought... well anyway I started to actively do shit since they kind of fucked up their sprites. BA: Oh yeah and we got the first part of the code from him too
A bit more clicking around, and the scene is recreated on the husktop's screen. The timeline feature is FULLY operational, and FULLY annoying to use with a Prince running amok
GA: Right. GA: After some more alchemizing, pesterchumming and generally bumming around, he started doing that thing you asked him to. GA: The code was a multistep process. GA: Had to convince his dad to give him the folder, had to fix the fridge that Anikisprite broke. GA: It's so fucked up what the fridge CC gave him was literally ALL FISH SAUCE. GA: Who does that? BA: yeah that was kind of fucked up not going to lie, after that i gave him the code for the gmod tool gun and he went off to meet Orphyr BA: They linked up and went back to to Jacks world after that and right now i think they should be working on the whole mob grinder thing i put him up to making GA: Dude. GA: You're rushing. GA: You forgot big parts. GA: Like the fact that he grinded for like two hours. GA: And that the agents took his dad (and dog). GA: He was about to go full catatonic before he saw the note from the Ripoff. BA: Fuck you're right i also forgot i gave him a code for a group bank storage. I figured they could use that shit early game to great effect so i sent him a file loaded with a one time grist bonus. GA: It's actually fucking unreal. GA: Like, BAFFLING to the EXTREME. GA: How they managed to waste fifteen million grist on the actual least consequential stuff possible. GA: (except for what LC got lol, we'll get to that later doe) GA: Anyway, he printed his flying shoes, his toolgun, and fucked off to meet Orphyr by skipping a gate.
Once more, the scene moves to depict CT's entrance through his gate. By skipping his first gate of seven, he reached his client's house instead. Riveting. Can we get a move on?
BA: Oh yeah that was hilarious, what the fuck even was that meeting? GA: le 3x staredown combob GA: I'm skipping past it though, we'll get back when we talk about AS. GA: Now, for CC. GA: He uh. GA: Got in the game, went to sleep and left his robots to farm, and in the process accidentally got his dad kidnapped by depriving him of defender robots. GA: Then he found out about the three AIs his dad spawned into being like a donkey. GA: Wait, no, I think it was before the kidnapped. Shit man I don't care. GA: Then uh. GA: Tried climbing down his house spire. GA: Without alchemizing any gear. GA: Without any preparation. GA: Needless to say, this was a problem. BA: Why the fuck did he do that?
He was stupid.
GA: He's stupid.
Exactly my point.
BA: I know that before he did that he had a rage vision BA: Woke up on prospit BA: Went to the moon to wake up Jack BA: Woke up while flying around and THEN tried to climb down his spire GA: Right, my bad. Forgot about it since they literally didn't do anything except make bishie eyes at each other and <3<. GA: I need to kill myself or them. It's imperative. GA: Anyway, to the climb, he fell down and died. GA: Which means he woke up on Shitpit again, as his dreamself. GA: Which was, naturally, melting apart as dream selves tend to do when the real main body is dead. GA: Then something unexpected happened. GA: He got contacted by someone. BA: Oh yeah, that fucking asshole.
The thinner figure, wearing a pressed shirt turns his head around at this.
GA: Nigga??? GA: You know who it is??? BA: Listen dude, I had alot of fucking time to put it together after that dude tried to kill me, and he talked in the same fucking way that the guy who talked to Filo. BA: If he can have an effect THERE whos to say he cant have one HERE
I do. You know, it's great when you start editing a recap to start seeing that someone else is interjecting. Get the fuck out of here. Nah. Fucking hell. Carrying on.
GA: I can have an effect on his dick and balls. GA: Doesn't have any? GA: Now he does. BA: Look we both know better now yeah? Lets just keep going, Whats he been up to after his death? GA: Well, first, that one fucking contacted him and actually genuinely told him how to godtier. GA: And the fucker just. GA: Refused to? GA: Experienced the Rot as he went back to his own body? GA: Then went to a dungeon? GA: Everyone in this session is fucking stupid. GA: Except for Ripoff and AC. BA: Who the fuck is Ripoff?
An uninspired copy. Dude, fuck off.
GA: Bro... GA: You stutid... BA: Ah alright speaking of Kyle....
Another scene change. Kyle, floating above his planet, gazing at the planets above. A revelation to the futility of it all? A thought about the lives they were all about to ruin? A kid missing his big brother?
GA: Right. Onto him. GA: His brother has been doing shady things. GA: hurr hurr GA: Even before getting into the session and deciding to fuck shit up because he can. GA: Like, where the fuck did he even get those shades? GA: And the puppet? GA: Since when the fuck did cal have a mime variant? GA: Not important. GA: What's important is that he prototyped AC's sprite, a second time, with a mime beret or whatever and made the imps stronger. GA: Dick move. GA: AC then did some shit, went to sleep, met up with CT on Shitpot, then got a quest from the White Kween. BA: The quest about getting Filos dream body from him right? GA: Yeah, the bone remains. GA: We'll figure out what the plan for that is later. GA: When we're more inspired. GA: Wait shit no, cut that from the final script, they're gonna think we're fully winging it like AH did.
So professional. I'm taking notes, just so you know. You'd probably need them. Like, really, satyrs? You fucking suck, retard.
BA: Arnt we literally copying what he did for his recaps just in a different way? BA: Its still gonna be annoying as fuck to read GA: If everything that phaggot did was bad, we wouldn't be doing this in the first place, would we? BA: No but still GA: Still what. BA: Hes a faggot
The first thing I agree with in this entire recap. Dude, can you PLEASE get off my nuts? I know you didn't get any for 5000 years straight, but come ON man.
GA: Bro, he was right about recaps being fucking TORTURE to write. GA: We gotta make our beloved readers that give us a lot of Hatreon bucks not want to see any of them anymore. BA: Look we are getting side tracked lets go back to Orphyr what has he been up to? GA: No no, first we gotta. Nah shit you're right, we're on him before we gotta tackle the colossal fuckup LC unleasehd. GA: So. Our only troll. GA: So far, probably. GA: A fuchsiablood too. GA: Gotta rack up those edgy oc points. GA: Thankfully, he looks rather normal, and his personality isn't abhorrent. GA: Game was nearly beginning, Benefactor prepared him a bit for what it entailed, but, oh no! GA: He didn't tell him about the fact that the Emissary will emit the Vast Glub and kill his entire race. GA: Except for him and HIC of course. GA: Speaking of HIC, he prototyped his sprite with a book that ended up creating an idealised version of HIC. GA: A fascinating event for him to miss the entrance to the game, and to find his dead guardian(Not a lusus, Hiveswap reference, +15 OC points) GA: He got in the game, eventually, and after that and a near mental breakdown, a shitstorm occured. GA: CT, his server player, yote the corpse of his guardian into the sprite, and created a theological nightmare. GA: A combination which resulted in the creation of Broncesprite, a schizophrenic sprite that hates itself on both sides. GA: Fucking great man.
You were saying something about satyrs? Uninspired? I do not control who the fuck shows up on Alternia. As if that's how he appeared. Erm, mister owned by MSPAR, please shut up.
BA: Why the fuck did you say the parenthesis outloud? GA: Because it's funny, suck me soft. BA: and after that he met up with CT and is now back on the frog planet GA: Right. Him and CT met up, they had their game 3x staredown combob, and he refused to believe that CT isn't a troll. GA: Fucking idiot lamo. GA: They argued a bit, we started off the sickening pale tension that you forced me to add in, then both flew off to CT's house using the awful flying boots CT rigged up. BA: and then... BA: fucking BA: Alex... BA: FUcking alex GA: The fucking comes later, dear sire. GA: Wait, does palerom actually contain fucking? GA: Nevermind. GA: Anyway, back to Alex. GA: He uh. GA: Uhhhhhhhhhh.
Jesus Christ. You've got to apologise to your readers for this one. My Chittr is public, they can see what I'm about.
BA: Did absolutely fucking nothing but sit in his room and spend the grist that came pouring in from CT GA: Let's be fair to him. GA: If Azrael was MY sprite, I'd be feeling suicidal too. GA: He also somehow summoned a weird thing using his cult suit. GA: I can't believe that fucking shitstain is there too. GA: And he's giving them better deals than he gave US. GA: Fuck, man. BA: What an asshole
You're trying to tell me you've seen this guy before? No, I'm not trying to tell YOU anything. I'm trying to blow you up with my mind.
The husktop makes a loud ping, and the words RE-TRACKING TARGET flash on-screen for a second, before showing CT, half-submerged in a lake on the Land of Slate and Fog and Frogs. He's lacking his customary hat and thus, any actionable way of interacting with his friends.
BA: Anyways, look at those hard drives, everything else going foward is on there..... Wait... oh no. GA: Dude. GA: What the fuck. GA: Are you fucking kidding me? BA: Wait... Dont fucking tell me.... BA: Wait WAIT NO NO NO DUDE LOOK AT ALEX'S VIEW RIGHT NOW GA: Hahahaaahahaha GA: WOOOW! GA: I WAS RIGHT. GA: THEY REALLY ARE ALL DUMB! GA: SPACE PLAYERS FINDING THE UNSUCKED COCK OF THE FOURTH WALL IS AN INNATE SKILL! BA: Nooooooooo NOOOOOOOOOOOO oh my fucking GOOOOOOOD these IDIOTS!!!!! The timeline is all FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEED UP AGAIN!!!! GA: Nah, it's gonna be fine. GA: Trqst the plan. GA: We just gotta hope he doesn't get himself killed.
You control that. There's no hope involved here, haven't you got it yet? Man, you ever played the Sims? And set the Sims to have their autonomy maxed? No. Figures.
BA: Fucking FUCK! Fine. BA: You have everything with Jack planned out right? BA: The archagent? BA: Or atleast hes ready to finally start making his move? GA: Nah. GA: CC's dreamself dying means he's gonna take it easy for a while. GA: Dude took credit for it, because of course he did, so his workload is softer because the Black Queen is impressed. BA: Fuck ok time to start the actual growth quests BA: Fuck i really dont want to put these guys through this shit BA: Dont you feel at least a little bit of guilt from all of this? GA: Listen. GA: In the past? I might have. GA: Seeing CT start to larp as a blueblood to prank AS after his mom died? GA: Thus blowing any chance of fucking him? GA: I don't feel guilt, they deserve it. GA: You know what I'd GIVE for a chance LIKE THAT? With a HIGHBLOOD TOO? GA: But I digress. GA: I am beyond.
What? Man, skip apologizing, show your readers a video of you crying and begging for forgiveness. S-s-s-s-s-s-s-suck me soft. The letter S eight times, huh.
BA: Your priorties are fucked dude, you might only give a shit about having fun but im still not entirely comfortable knowing these guys are going to have to go through this shit. BA: AND IM THE ONE THAT WROTE IT GA: Don't care. GA: It's out of your hands now. GA: And mostly in mine. GA: Plus, you started it, as you said. BA: Fuck fine im going to run damage control and start messaging Alex, just join the conversation from the future once you are done here.
Seeing some fascinating parallels here. Uh huh. What if I gave you breasts in this story? What would you do? You do not do that. Oh, but I might.
GA: Sir yes sir, glory to the Disunited States.
The rotund one, BA, gets up from his chair that materialised mid-conversation, and leaves the room. GA is left alone, and stares off into nothingness for a while, before suddenly becoming animated once more.
GA: Oh, right. GA: We skipped over some parts. GA: Uhhh... The Sage of Boons thingie went to multiple people. AS accepted his shit, CT rejected him and tried to kill him. GA: The SoB then looted his house and ran away. GA: As presiously mentioned, CT. GA: Presiously? GA: Le lisp is le back? GA: ANYWAY. CT larped as a blueblood and alchemised himself a 4th wall ruining book about troll culture, which he read. Fully, even. Man reads fast. GA: AC made himself some INSANELY swag gear. Like God damn, he's got historical refrances out the ass. GA: LC made himself an almost-sapient computerized coat reminiscent of Gary's. GA: CC is having his own Downfall moment because his "precious marble land" is actually half-cyberized. Get fucked on kid. GA: And uhhh.... GA: I guess that's it. GA: Leave my fucking room, NOW!
With a last voice crack to set the mood, our intrepid writers are left alone to stew in their own incompetence again.
Ah, self-deprecation to finish off the document. Truly marvelous. Are you done? Yeah, this should be it. Good, because I want to let yo- Oh no bitch. You don't get to monologue in MY story. Get yo stupid ass back to Repiton, and take your Satyrs with you.